Norman Greenbaum Interview

I caught up with Mr. Greenbuam when I noticed him takin a leak in the urinals at the Garden the other night! I wasn't sure how to approach the man. This is the man that put Malden on the map in terms of 60's pop gospel, so I did what any GB journalist would do. I stood next to him and took my cock out.

AK: Hey, are you Norman Greenbaum?
N-GB: I'm trying to take a leak here kid.
AK: Ok, that's cool. I can respect that.

Several seconds of awkward silence

AK: You are him, aren't you?
N-GB: Leave me alone!
AK: You're a Jew from Malden, right? I just wanted you to know I am too.
N-GB: If you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to get really pissed!
AK: Well isn't that why you're in the bathroom? To let it out?

At this point, I realized my scheme wasn't working because I wasn't peeing myself. He could see right through me! I tried so hard to push something out, but my guy wouldn't budge a drop. I farted instead by accident and it will go in the records of one of the smelliest and loudest.

AK: Oh, geez, you'll have to forgive me Mr. Greenbaum.
N-GB: Why do you keep calling me that?
AK: What do you mean?

I was so surprised at his denial of his identity that I turned to face him and wouldn't you know it, I started peeing all of a sudden all over the poor guy's shoes!

AK: Oh geez, terribly sorry about that.
N-GB: You asshole!
AK: How dare you! Is this how you treat people from your hometown? Let me tell you Mr. Greenbaum, if I make it as big as you, I won't forget Malden and act like I'm better than where I came from! So much for the "spirit in the sky", eh?

I walked away, but forgot that my junk was still out. I started to walk back to the store when I was tackled by three security guards. Children were crying, police were called, I got tasered with my pants down and lost my job. But I learned a valuable lesson- don't try to talk to Norman Greenbaum when he's takin a pee!