Get Buuaaaahhhhhh!

So, I'm fucking sitting at my house on a school night wishing i had a coupious amount of frosy guys right now... and what'd ya know? A god damn 30 rack of Pabst Blue Ribbon falls from the sky, busting through the celing and knocks my fan in my kitchen right down, thus killing my cat Puck(but who cares cause cats are diposable animals). I think to myself, "Odd, but totally awesome." I pick up the god-sent 30 and proceed to opening it. Now, I got a beer going, and I hear the familiar shrill of the door bell, and I'm like, "Damn, its probably Big Bill back from bachi-ball, and he is more than likely wasted." I waltz over to the door, open it. Before my eyes there stands 4 four smoking hipster girls, and 2 extatic familiar faces, Fork and Zach. I invite them in for a casual drinks and casual sex... They agree. On this night I am on point socially, as are Zach and Fork. The girls are so wooed they take off thier cloths right in the kitchen(so rad). By this point we are all heavily inhebriated. One hipster girl was so inhebriated she puked on my dead cat, and then tried to have sex with the thing(the hipster chicks brought vodka and had previously done large amounts of coke). She passed out, but there was still enough hipster scum to go around. We all eventually get around to sticking to the girls in various parts of the household, at various points in the night. We party on, into day-break. When the madness settled, we got burritos that instanly cured all physical afflictions due to consumption of alcohol in excess. I skipped school the next day, but i got Shea to dress up like me and fill in for the day so it was all gravy. We three party animals skateboarded all day, and the chicks tuned into new set-ups some how right after the burrito session.

Humphrey Magee

Humphrey Magee is an import figure in the gb faction.
He acieved his success and fortune simply by saying
this noteworthy phrase "Malden Slums Breed Malden Scum"

He has recently broken his leg. Until it heals,
he spends his evenings in a wheel chair, peeping
upon his neighbors across the courtyard from the
rear window of his apartment. Every day a nurse
tends to him.
She Fixes his sandwiches, gives him back massages ect.

This is a conversation between the nurse and Humphrey
caught by the hidden gb tape recorder in his apartment:
They are discussing Humphrey's troubles with his
girlfriend.


HM- No, she's just not the girl for me.

Nurse- yeah, she's only perfect.

HM- She's too perfect. She's too talented.
She's too beautiful.
She's too sophisticated.
She's too everything, but what I want.

Nurse- Is what you want something you can discuss?

HM- What? It's very simple.
She belongs to that rarefied atmosphere of Park Avenue,
Expensive restaurants and literary cocktail parties.

Nurse- People with sense belong wherever they're put.

HM- Can you imagine her tramping around the world
with a malden bum who never has more than a
week's salary in the bank? If she was only ordinary.

Nurse- You're never gonna get married?

HM- I'll probably get married one of these days,
But when I do, it's gonna be to someone who thinks of life
not just as a new dress and a lobster dinner
and the latest scandal.

I need a woman who's willing to...
Who's willing to go anywhere and do anything and love it.
So the honest thing for me to do is just call the
whole thing off. Let her find somebody else.

Nurse- yeah, I can hear you now.
"Get out of my life, you perfectly wonderful woman."

Nick's Pub, Chicago

Bryan's favorite spot to pick up overage women. This lady was on a one-night only tour of the city's finest since it was her 21st birthday. Darren was offended since it was supposed to be a celebration of him. The young man quit partying and left Bry with her and a pack of Newports. Tucka still drinks.

Filho Holmes

had sex with 14,000 people

he starred in 2,500 filmz

here is one





also..

Monday Update

FRANKYVELVET.BLOGSPOT.COM

Tommy Lee birthday boy

"I'm taking a break from drinking for a while." -earlier today

You've got to get up in the morning

...you've got to have what's on your mind.

Church of the SubGenius

The Church of the SubGenius is known for a standing offer that stems from the ordainment fee: "Eternal Salvation or TRIPLE Your Money Back!" The organization claims that if an ordained SubGenius minister dies and finds himself standing at the gates of "Normal" or "Boring" Hell, he will be personally greeted by Church founder J. R. "Bob" Dobbs Himself and receive a refund check for $90.00, along with a booklet titled, "How to Enjoy Hell for Five Cents an Eternity," which costs $89.95

The Roaring Twenties

A time period the GB boys would have appreciated to live in... Because these guys double teamed this chick.

Hungry? Start Thinking

Have you ever been at the level of hungry where a snack wont d it, but neither will a meal?
This is when you need to start thinking of ways around these minor setbacks. Today i present to you my cheese and cracker sandwich

No longer shall you suffer and wait because you are hungry but not that hungry at the same time

How did GB Begin?

Exactly Like This. That little kid at 6:40 is adolescent Bryan Wrong(birthday-boy butch), he's a good guy, but he wants to be a (tommy lee)bad ass

Hardbody Highlights

Butchie butch is one of the first hard-body highlights worthy of an early blog. Sly face and all, he became belligerent buck and used the female facilites. When asked why, his simple response was, "Tommy Lee would do it."

Not FluFlu BluBlu

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

Alex K

Lan

Mer

This is what happened tonight

Stop Him

Espresso Pizza

For Billy D Part II

Dom steps into the sunlght wearing a pair of Armani sunglasses and holding a .45 handgun. He's drinking the last few sips of a Steel Reserve which he then smashes to the ground into a million pieces. He steps into the skatepark and all stop what they're doing. Two hulky Italian men in expensive black suits follow shortly after and stand behind their boss.
"Dom! What are you doing here?" excitedly asks lil Filmall who has yet to be taken aware of the pizza man's deadly weapon.
"Just came to say hi, guys!" He raises the gun and blasts away the poor boy's knees. All scream in horror. Several of the more cowardly members of the Malden scene pee their pants. "I'd like you guys to meet my new associates at Vinny's. These is Cheese and this is Sauce." The two men make hardly a grunt and no one is sure which is which.
"How can you do this Dom?!!" screams Greenrail.
"How can I do what?" Dom responds coldly. He then goes into his back pocket, takes out a lighter and a cigarette and sparks up. After a single drag he puts it out on the poor boy.
"Interview over yet? Good. Now I got a question for youse guys. Why don't you come to Vinny's no more?" Silence all around. No one wants to provoke the beast any further. "No one's gonna answer me? I guess I'll have to start shooting again!"
"No!" shouts CigMer in a foolish attempt to keep the peace. "Dom, I'm not gonna lie to you. To be honest, the price of pizza at Vinny's became too expensive. We preferred it when it was dollar slices."
Dom turns to Sauce and motions for him to go to the car. He turns back to the crowd. "That was very brave of you, but it will do no good. Do you fools have any idea how expensive it is to make a motherfucking pizza these days?" Dom glares angrily at the empty faces. Sauce is back with something under his jacket. "All you little fucks are going to crowd in the center of the park. Anyone gets out of line or makes a run for it and I'll plug ya!"
They all oblige. Sauce reveals two cans of gasoline that he and Cheese pour around the circle of skaters. When the circle is complete, Dom takes out a box of matches and lights one. "Too expensive now bitches?" He drops the match and laughs maniacally as he watches Malden burn before his eyes.

Get buuuuck

"Now you're on the blog."

Courtney dumped Greatland...

She's just going through a faze. Court is currently going with some new guy they call, "Animal." I guess hes some notorious freight-hopper from the mid west... Hes an alright guy... I mean he had dinner with the family the other night. Yes, he had no shirt on.Self-proclaimed "Animal" and my dear sister, Court enjoying their trip to Disneyland. The chick on the right is hawt.
Sorry Phelin, we still love you... not Paul though, he ignores the blog.

For Billy D

A bright sunny day at the skatepark that goes beyong everyone's expectations for what a nice day could be. The sun is warm, the breeze is cool, the birds are chirping, there's not a hint of drama and the Us is high. Suddenly, a black mercedes with tinted windows rolls by and stops abruptly. The crowds interest is slightly peaked and everyone anxiously awaits for who it could be. The doors slowly open and the first thing some notice are the thousand dollar imported Italian leather shoes that touch the scummy pavement. The figure to emerge is one of the last we should ever expect to see at the skatepark. The figure is... our favorite local pizza guy Dom. And Dom's got a gun.

I hate to be a prude, but I gotta go buy some khaki's so I'll have to finish this later.

To be continued...

Zach, I love you.

Zach's has odd obsessions... Like bending bars, garbage day, wigger-fats, jocks, and punk rock. But this one above us, I find the funniest because it tickles his fancy in such a way that he giggles and screams the name, "PABST BLUE RIBBON, LIGHT!" The kid was GB at birth, just took us a while to fully see it... Fuck yeah, kid.

Sacreligion-Boarding

The GBs are going out skateboarding today. Its a beautiful day, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, trees are budding... Why not go skateboarding? But, women and children should stay in doors on this very day, for there is a heathen afoot! Hes eating pages of everyone's bibles, then setting them ablaze by casting Satan's spell upon them... And the worst part is, HE IS NOT A LOCAL.

Fork's first tattoo

Before.



After.

Fork 2.0

Don't call it a comeback.

Inward nah

Pabit's revival

Interview about racism

I took the time to sit down with the radical Marxist Breezy Smith, Alex Karadick, Miguel de Tenedor, and Leann Rimez. Here are their thoughts on the controversial topic of racism.

Do minorities exist?

MdT:  Hopefully not for much longer.

BS:  Fuck minorities.

LR:  &*#($&(@#&($%(#$%( !!!

What would you suggest we do to stop racism?

MdT:  Get rid of the minorities.

BS:  Fuck minorities.

Leann just walk aimlessly in circles throwing shit and beating the cat in the room.

Alex maintains his silence.

Is Barack Obama black or white?

BS:  White power.

AK:  Barack Obama's a jew.

LR:  Barack Obama's my boy.

MdT:  There were just minorities in that skate shop [on TV]!

Can animals be racist?

MdT:  You ever hear of a white tiger?

BS:  Yeah...

LR:  No, animals are pure.

BS:  You're an idiot.

I think you're all idiots.

MdT:  You can suck it.

BS:  Fuck off.

LR:  Wow... rude.

AK:  I knew that already.

BS:  Can we do this later on when we're really intoxicated?

Get buck.

Leann Is Banned From Malden

Don't come here, ever

Just kidding

For Alex K

Allan quit Cigarettes

"Cigs are for Squares"

Malden is Happy for Him

Coincidences Are Fucked Up

Tomorrow i will officially be living in Malden for the second time in my life. I was (nasty) little boy when I first lived there with my grandparents on Bowdon street. Anyways, I would go to church with my grandmother on sundays despite the fact that i had no clue what was going on. I remember going in and always wanting to eat the wafer things and drink from the goblet, but they would always pass over me. I never told anyone, but it pissed me off. One day my grandmother decided that I was finally old enough to decide if I wanted to go or not. I was three or four years old. I decided against going because I was fed up with never getting the wafers or the goblet, so i told her that I didn't want to go. That day the church burnt down. It took me years to understand the coincidence and how ironic it was. Maybe it was a sign, but most likely a very strange and fucked up coincidence

Casual

Louis Rules

"Old style ice house pabst. the good the bad the joey"\

"I fell onto the bed one time and me arm and hand was wild hello hig steez(wild. w) and landed on *name deleted* back and the she fell asleep"

"Nate but i wasnt a hit no anger. She didnt bring it up til supper. Lunch and break was t Wissy abuser"

"Whiskey shirtto"


I was pretty good at drunk texts last night, but only two people would hold conversations with me(Louis as quotes provided). It all started off with Ashley Troy having a party for Derek the little guy's birthday, which ended in her being shackled, and Colin Roy, Chris Coulon, Matt Birkin, and Matt Haggerty giving them the old fashioned Lynn Massive run down. They saved the night. They let her off with a citation for fifty dollars. The description only read "loud party"


At this time I would like to extend a few more thank you's that were left out of the interview; Chris Coulon, Colin Roy, Matt Birkin, Matt "Birthday Boy" Haggerty, Michael Tucker, Derek McCuster, Donny Corbelle, Alex K.
Now you can all stop giving me grief you sons of multiple bitches


Chris also runs a blog of his own
http://meat-salad.blogspot.com/

Masshole

The Little Guy...

Infamous for obscure personality, and wicked ways. Model or not, this kid still rips and should be appreciated.

For Poois

I woke up with a massive bone this morning in the middle of an unfulfilled wet dream about banging that lady that always comes by the skate park with all those kids . The dream was such that I busted at the exact same moment I was opening my eyes. It was a bulls eye shot (pun intended). What's a boy to do? I couldn't exactly ask for help, but my god, did this burn! I thought I was going blind. As the acid's were fizzling and steam erupted from my eye socket, I came up with a brilliant idea. I ran over to Dickneil's while he was still sleeping and stole his copy of GB Hardcore. I pop that bad boy in and watching the exploits were so pleasing to my eyes that not only did the pain stop, but I no longer need glasses! I proceeded to wake up the neighborhood with a blowhorn and sang "Amazing Grace" in Hebrew until the cops came.

Here Comes Success!

The shitty didge served more than just the purpose of capturing classic Broad-Way moments. It also predicted the future! Poo is not just celebrating for the fact that he found a long-sleeve generic brand wolf tee, he's celebrating the fact that gbcam2 is officially on its way! "How is this possible?" Johnny Romano asks. Well, contrary to most beliefs, I beat the odds of passing a drug test without the use of detox. If Cig Mer can do it, just about anybody do it. Who knows what's in store for the next GB sequel? Gerald Morelli guest tricks!? Kel Mersh nollie flip el toro!!? Stay tuned....

Leisure Rules

I woke up at about ten this morning and repeatedly punched holes in my door. Why did I do this? The answer is simple; LEISURE RULES. I did not want to wake up, write an essay, catch a bus, catch a series of trains, go to class, then skateboard. I wanted to skate all day long, but alas, I have priorities much like most people. However, there are still those lucky enough to be complete badasses and do whatever they want. Like Derek. He is having his birthday party tonight, so everyone should come and get reckless, at least for one night

I watched a long movie today

My balls got stuck to my leg. I had to pry them off with a blow torch and a can of spam. The torn skin will be avaiable for auction at the 2009 Johnny Rebel Fan Boston Convention. 200% refund to the winning bidder.

east of malden

over the sun and beyond the blue